Is it His grace?

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Is it His grace? Current mood: pensive Category: Religion and Philosophy So my husband and I have been attending a church in the last couple of years. He's Jewish(or should I say Jew...ish) and I'm Methodist (supposedly) so we were guided to a nondenominational church by a new neighbor of ours at the time. At first when we were invited I wasn't sure how to approach the subject with my husband. Afterall, I had not attended church on a regular basis since I was 7 because my dad instilled in my mind that you don't need a building to be able to pray. Surprisingly, he wanted to check it out explaining that synagogues are so far away from where we live and their services are held in a language Lexi and I wouldn't understand and that he would rather Lexi be raised with SOME religious foundation rather than nothing. This place was awesome and we were really welcomed with open arms. So, getting to the point of all of this...I've been "finding my religion" for lack of a better way to put it. At first, I thought I believed that God existed, but I wasn't sure of anything else beyond that. I dusted off the trusty old Bible and began reading the Old Testament. I was amazed that although it was written hundreds of years ago, you could still find ways that it applied to the life we're living today. I mean, how many times do you think something your parents say is antiquated and they're only one generation ahead of you?! I was full in a way that I had never been before. Then something shook my faith. My husband and I had been trying to get pregnant for over a year and we were referred to a specialist. I started to question God and actually got angry with Him for putting us through that especially after Lexi was born 15 weeks early. Over and over it seemed that He was telling us that we shouldn't be having kids together and I couldn't understand why. I became what I call a praying pleader. I was pleading with God, cutting deals, doing anything I could to sway His mercy my way. Nothing worked and I struggled. Passover came which is a big deal for Jews and it was my husband's busy season at work. I became less motivated to go to church and I stopped mentioning it. My husband was too busy to notice and we eventually stopped going alltogether. Good news came about five months later that we were expecting but this was a mixed blessing because I was considered high risk for reasons related to my pregnancy with Lexi. The worry set in and I turned once again to the Bible. I would read it in secret while my husband was at work and one day (unprovoked) he said we should go back to church. We did and I poured my soul into it. I actually listened to the messages and was amazed at how my life was blessed. My high risk pregnancy actually turned out to be uneventful and our second daughter was born full-term and healthy (and my health was good too). I began to evaluate the way God has shown me that He loves me. He gave me my precious little girls which was the most obvious but there were more subtle ways too. For example, we hit some pretty hard times financially not too long ago and His grace is what pulled us through. My husband owns a lawn business on the side and has regular clients, but he somehow picked up some extra work from them and their neighbors and we were able to keep our heads above water. But the one way that He has shown that He's looking out for us and our church that would make a believer out of anyone was last Sunday when it was storming in the area and the set-up crew was setting up (it was my husband's off week so he wasn't there but he was thinking of the poor guys setting up in the rain). It was raining and storming to the North. It was raining and storming to the South. But according to the Worship Pastor, it didn't rain on the guys taking the stuff from the trailer. I personally do not feel that this was a coincidence and even my husband thought it was "cool." Cool? Maybe. But if it is, then God's grace is cool. Have a blessed day.