Tattoos I Didn't Know I Had

There have been many times in my life that I swore I must have invisible tattoos on my forehead that I'm not aware of. Some examples in the style of David Letterman,

10. "I love drama. Can I have yours?"

9. "Stick with me, I'll do your college coursework for you...FOR FREE!"

8. "I'll be a good friend to you, but I won't expect the same from you. I'm okay with mediocrity"

7. "Tell me your entire life story" (This one applies to anybody in a clerk-type position.) Whenever, I check out at Walgreens, Wal-Mart, Publix, etc., these people go on and on with their entire story to the point that I listen politely (because everyone needs SOMEONE to talk to), but after awhile I begin to inch my way out the door (Hey, I've got things to do!) while they still continue talking to me! Sheesh!

6. "I get awesome grades and work hard to do so, but don't worry...I'd love to pay for my college education" (This is a recent source of frustration to me. Apparently, the HOPE scholarship that has been paying my way through these 5 years of college has a cap. They will only pay for 127 credit hours (the normal degree at KSU is 124). I did not realize this when I started my Spanish minor. So now I'm stuck trying to figure out how to pay for my last two semesters. I don't want to take out a student loan, because I feel that after using the HOPE scholarship to its fullest without ever once being in danger of losing it, there should be something out there...some grant or scholarship,etc....that I'd qualify for. But there isn't anything. Not at the moment anyway. This stinks.)

5. "When you're having a bad day and want to argue with someone, call me. I have nothing better to do than to listen to your one-sided argument and I NEVER have bad days myself."

4. "Ask me for money. I'm swimming in it, didn't you know?"

3. "I brake for people NOT in the crosswalk"

2. "I'm stupid...talk s-l-o-w-l-y."

and finally, the one I wish I had.

1. "I'm not as young as I look so don't look at my all sympathetic-like when I say I have two kids and have been married for almost 8 years"