Lessons learned on the written word

It matters not how elegantly you phrase your sentences or how many flowery adjectives you use. If a person has a preconceived notion of who you are and what your intentions are – notions that may be true or false or some shade of gray between the two – they will read your written thoughts in a manner like that of the person they think you are. The sweetest, most gentile Southern woman known for her manners and decorum can write a bomb threat, but her words would be read like that of a Hallmark card dripping with honey. The most brash, hard-to-get-along-with person could write a carefully worded thank you note and some readers would read it as if it were bleeding with sarcasm without any truth behind the words.

I said all of that to say this. Once your words are written and sent, you give up your right to control the manner or tone in which they are received. It does not matter if the receiver knows you well or not. What will influence the way or tone in which they read your words is their opinion of who you are – right or wrong. If their opinion is wrong, then you may suffer unfair consequences for their inability or unwillingness for seeing you for who you truly are; what everyone else sees but what the receiver does not. If their opinion of you is right, then you're in good shape but you're a minority.

Here are some lessons I have learned from both sides of the argument. As the writer, I learned that if you are not a brown-noser in face-to-face personal encounters, writing a complaint to someone is not a good idea. You may not even see it as a complaint. You may see it as a suggestion for improvement or informing someone of a concern; however, any way you put it, 9 times out of 10 whatever you write will be read as though you are a striking snake. To avoid this, you must swallow your pride and force yourself to do certain things in personal interactions that are not necessarily second nature in your character or avoid written communications when they are not singing praises to the receiver. Another thing to avoid as a writer is using all caps in your written communication. Since the onslaught of email and instant messaging, using all caps in written communication is perceived as the equivalent of yelling. Avoid this unless you really intend to yell.

As the reader, I have learned that the way I read things when I receive them are often not in the same way the writer intended. Some writers are clear, however, and their use of capitals is carefully planned and often hurtful. If you receive something offensive read it again a few times to see if there could possibly be another way the writer intended it to be read. If you still find it to be offensive, carefully think about your response before you send a word in response. You don't want to commit the same act that has hurt you. Another thing is, don't show uninvolved parties anything until you have a clear understanding between you and the writer as to what was really intended. Most times, if you are offended by something in writing, it is a misunderstanding. And my last piece of advice (I saved the best for last), the Bible says it best in Luke 6:37, "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven." Remember, your impressions of someone are not always correct. You may actually be surprised how many times you are wrong.